Today is my birthday, and birthdays mean joy, happiness, and being surrounded by family and friends… but also birthday cakes and bites. Birthday food blows away all the joy for me at least once every birthday party, as someone remarks that she seriously has to start dieting again the day after, throwing a fearful look at the slice of pie. I’ll tell you something: that one piece is not going to bite, nor will it change you at all.
We all have dreams. Realistic ones, such as getting a degree or getting married… or getting that bikini body (but I think we have to agree that getting Doutzen Kroes’ butt is not the most realistic ideal ever). We also have big dreams. Mine was to create a platform that will help people who struggle with the same issues as I did (and do), where we can share and discuss views and experiences. Today, my dream has become reality.
“Up-to-date” — it doesn’t just describe the latest trend these days; it has become an integral part of our lives. We know exactly who has done what, when, and where, including updates on how long they have exercised, how many calories they burned, and what they have been eating. I stare at my screen and feel incredibly guilty whenever such an update comes by.
There comes a time when, suddenly, telling someone your weight or even just weighing yourself feels hurtful, or shameful. I used to think this was nonsense, as even I, an ex-fashion model who was never able to GET the skinny bod, didn’t care about a scale number. I used to battle against those shallow feelings of fear by casually screaming how much I weighed to everyone who was close enough to listen. My way of pretending I didn’t care was ‘shocking’ the world with my enormous stack of pounds, hoping that I could make other girls feel better about themselves. Only the truth was that my shocking numbers weren’t so shocking and it was just my brain being a huge ass.
The numbers really brainwashed me, and I know I’m not the only one who is massively influenced by them: the numbers brainwash society, too. Not only can we not discuss our weight or size; we’re also expected to strive for a smaller size at all times, to diminish the number. That’s what happened to me, and this is what opened my eyes.